By Xie Xiuli
In March of this year, my mother was hospitalized after falling into a coma. She remained in the hospital for three months. Her condition was so heartbreaking that life itself seemed worse than death. Completely dependent on others and unable to control even her own body, she endured what felt like a living hell. Throughout this ordeal, I could only stand by helplessly, watching my mother suffer, unable to do anything to ease her pain.
During those nearly three months in the hospital, my mother could hardly sleep. Her physical and mental strength gradually deteriorated. Even after she was discharged in June, her inability to sleep continued. Day after day, I watched her endure this suffering, feeling utterly powerless.
One day in September, sometime after 5:00 a.m., I was still awake despite being physically exhausted. I turned on the internet and joined the Huayan 42 Hands and Eyes practice, something I had not done in quite some time. Although my eyes remained closed and I was unable to speak or recite along with the others, I simply listened. Within that brief hour, I felt my energy gradually returning. Slowly, I began to feel life awakening within me once again.
In that very moment, I suddenly understood what it truly means to be delivered from suffering. A warm current flowed through my heart. Oh! This moment is truly a Pure Land beyond compare. In the days that followed, I dared not become complacent. I continued to follow the teachings and persevere in my practice. A few nights ago, during a group practice session led by Dharma Brother Khai Nghiem, I closed my eyes, and tears began streaming down my face, falling uncontrollably, one after another, onto my chest. I could feel a warm, radiant light. I could feel the boundless compassion and great vows of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.
Through witnessing my mother’s experience, I came to deeply understand the helplessness that accompanies the fragility of life and the immense suffering brought about by illness. Through the practice of the 42 Hands and Eyes, I felt my own energy uplifted and experienced the compassionate aspirations and great vows of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.
When karmic forces manifest, I feel utterly powerless, drifting and sinking helplessly in the turbulent currents of karma. Yet, through the compassionate vows of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas and the practice of the 42 Hands and Eyes, I gradually cleanse my karmic burdens and dispel my ignorance, layer by layer.
My parents gave me this precious human life, but the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas have shown me the path to liberation. I feel deeply ashamed that I have been unable to relieve my parents’ suffering. All I can do is turn to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, humbly praying that they will guide my parents across the sea of suffering and help them set foot on the path of the Buddha.
I am deeply grateful to my Master, to Dharma Brother Khai Nghiem, and to all the great spiritual mentors and virtuous companions who have guided me along this path. Now that the door to the Dharma has opened before me, I deeply cherish this opportunity to participate in a short-term ordination and this compassionate Dharma assembly. As a humble and inexperienced disciple, I sincerely aspire to make my vows and wholeheartedly follow the path of the Buddha.