Nguyễn Thị Huệ / Dharma Name: Thân Minh Nhuệ
My name is Nguyễn Thị Huệ. Most people call me Diệu Minh. My Dharma name is Thân Minh Nhuệ, and I currently live in Montreal, Canada.
I have participated in the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving(Xuất Gia Vị Tha) many times. My first time was probably more than ten years ago, when I dedicated the merit of my practice to my mother, who had just passed away. My mother and I had lived together and were deeply attached and close, like shadow and form. My mother was elderly and in poor health, and I continued working while caring for and supporting her until she passed away at the age of 93.
“Practicing for Someone” – The Path of Altruism
My mother’s passing left me feeling lost, as though I had fallen into an immense emptiness that I did not know how or when I could ever fill. The loss was so great that my heart felt as if it were suspended over a deep abyss of separation from my mother. It was during those difficult months that my aspiration to become ordained and practice for my mother brought me a truly miraculous spiritual strength. From that point on, I devoted myself wholeheartedly to practicing according to my Teacher’s teachings. I realized that this was not only a path to healing the suffering within my heart, but also a path to transforming my entire life—from someone who had lived day after day in negativity and was often concerned mainly with myself, into someone who gradually learned to help others and live with greater altruism.
Actually, I had known Thầy since 2005, when he came to Canada to teach the Dharma at the invitation of dharma sister Nguyên Lễ’s family. At that time, my mother and I attended his Dharma talk, and he allowed us to receive the Great Compassion Mantra. However, at that time I was not yet truly diligent or serious about my practice. It was only after my first Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving that I truly experienced the benefits of spiritual practice and began a more serious journey of cultivation.
Looking back, I think perhaps the power of the Great Compassion Mantra, which Thầy had transmitted to me years before, had quietly remained within my heart. Once I began practicing diligently, I made reciting the Great Compassion Mantra part of my daily practice. I have recited it thousands upon thousands of times; I don’t even know how many. Yet after each recitation, I feel my heart filled with an extraordinary sense of peace and serenity.
After that first Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving, I made a vow every year to continue returning. During the first few years, I continued dedicating the merit of my practice to my mother. Later, I began practicing on behalf of other family members as well. The phrase “Practicing for someone” gradually became a heartfelt reminder to me whenever I registered for the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat. The philosophy of “altruism” is so beautiful and profound. In my own simple understanding, I have come to feel something very simple: practicing on behalf of others, rather than practicing only for myself, is an aspiration that helps my consciousness gradually move beyond my small sense of self. Each time I make such a vow to practice, I feel that my heart becomes a little wider, my love becomes a little deeper, and my preoccupation with myself becomes a little lighter.
When the Heart Is Sincere, Conditions Gradually Open
When I first made the aspiration to participate in the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat, I did not know whether I would actually be qualified or able to attend. Part of me was concerned about my health because I would have to travel far to a completely unfamiliar place. Another part of me worried about whether my “boss” would allow me to take such a long leave from work. I worked in a hospital, and the end of the year was the busiest time, so taking an extended vacation was truly not easy!
What worried me even more was the practice program itself. At that time, I had only recently begun practicing according to my Teacher’s teachings and did not have much experience. I could not sit in meditation for very long. Whenever I thought about the long periods of sitting required in the schedule, I imagined having painful legs and a sore back. I was also not very good at reciting mantras because I had not memorized many of them.I wondered: As someone who is still new to spiritual practice and does not yet have all the necessary skills, will I be able to endure and complete such an ordination program?
With this mixture of wanting very much to go while fearing that I was not capable enough, I began seeking refuge in the Buddhas.For the entire month before the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat, I sincerely prostrated before the Ten Thousand Buddhas Sutra many times. As I bowed, I prayed that the Buddhas would bless me and allow my aspiration to become ordained—to practice for my mother who had just passed away—to be fulfilled.At that time, I did not know whether I would actually be able to go. I only knew that I really wanted to go. I took all my worries and uncertainties and sincerely offered them in prayer to the Buddhas.Perhaps that was also the first time I understood that when we do not yet have enough confidence in ourselves, we can sincerely pray, because the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas will offer their support and protection.
In the past, I often had pain in my legs, so even sitting cross-legged was very difficult for me, let alone sitting in the full lotus position. Yet, amazingly, after returning from my first Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat, I was not only able to sit cross-legged but could also sit in full lotus for quite a long time. I do not know how to explain it. I simply experienced it as a blessing, a very special transformation that came to me after that first Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat.
The second miracle came through my work. Because I worked in a hospital, requesting two weeks of vacation at the end of the year, the busiest time of the year, was not easy. Yet afterward, every year my boss accepted my request for leave. This surprised many of my coworkers. They all knew that it was very difficult to take time off at the end of the year, and not everyone could get so many consecutive days off during that period. Some people asked me how I managed to get the time off. I did not know how to answer. I could only smile. I thought to myself: perhaps when we truly make a sincere aspiration, the conditions around us gradually open in ways that we could never have planned.
Not Only Cutting My Hair, but Also “Cutting Away” an Attachment
On the day Thầy shaved my head, I experienced another surprise that is difficult to describe.At my age at the time, cutting my hair was really not something that concerned me very much. I had made the aspiration to become ordained, so having my head shaved was simply a natural part of it. I had mentally prepared myself to receive it. But what truly shocked me happened while Thầy was shaving my head.
Thầy suddenly advised me to stop being so attached to watching Vietnamese folk opera‘cải lương’ about Bao Công (Judge Bao). I was stunned. How did he know? I had never told Thầy this. I had never told the Dharma friends in my area either. It was a very private habit of mine. For a long time, I had loved watching ‘cải lương’ performances about Bao Công and had spent a great deal of time doing so. I considered it entertainment, but at that time I had never thought of it as a hidden attachment that was consuming so much of my time.
From that day onward, I completely stopped watching those performances.For me, the moment my Teacher shaved my head that year was not only about cutting my hair. It was also about cutting away an attachment that had consumed so much time, making room for studying the Dharma and practicing.
Ten Days of Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving– A Precious Pause
I have always loved the orderly and disciplined lifestyle of monastics. Perhaps this is partly because both of my parents were teachers, so a way of life based on discipline, order, and character development was instilled in me from childhood and became one of the strengths of my personality. Therefore, when I entered the short-term monastic life, I deeply cherished every day of living within the discipline and structure of the monastic community.
The ten days of Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving gave me a precious opportunity to completely live according to the rules and discipline of monastic life—from wearing the monastic robes, arranging my sitting mat, and learning how to sit in meditation or listen to Dharma teachings, to walking in formation and participating in daily activities. I deeply respected these disciplines, so I willingly accepted the principles and structure of this way of life. Because that acceptance was voluntary, I no longer experienced discipline as something restrictive. Instead, it became a means of helping me gather my mind and deepen my practice.
In ordinary life, before I understood the Dharma and became aware of the need to practice in order to transform my life, I simply went through my daily activities without stopping to look deeply at myself.Therefore, for me, the ten days of Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving were like a precious pause in the middle of life—an opportunity to temporarily step away from the busyness of everyday life, return to myself, study the Dharma, and practice.
During the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreats that followed, I always made a vow to continue reciting mantras, studying sutras, meditating, exercising, and maintaining a life of practice after returning to ordinary life. Of course, I have not always been able to keep all of these vows perfectly. There were things I practiced for a while and then gradually became less diligent about. But I tell myself that I do not need to be perfect. Doing a little is still better than doing nothing. Then, as the years passed, I noticed that I was making a little progress each year. I came to realize that anyone who practices, in whatever way they are able, will gradually become a better person. Perhaps I cannot yet become a perfect person, but I have learned to look back at myself more often.
From Dharma Friends to One Big Family
Every year, besides the joy of seeing Thầy again and learning new Dharma teachings, I have another equally precious joy: meeting old Dharma friends again and forming friendships with new ones. During each Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat, the organizers usually arrange for us to stay together with people from different regions. So, each year I gain new fellow practitioners, and I also learn many good things from them.
Each person comes to practice with a different background, personality, and set of habits. In order to live harmoniously and practice together for a limited period, I have learned to adapt to different circumstances.If my roommate snores, I have earplugs. If she stays up late, I have an eye mask. 😊These seemingly small things have taught me to be more accommodating, to accept differences, and to stop expecting other people to be like me.
I have also met fellow practitioners who share my interests, ways of thinking, or joys in practice. After each Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving retreat ends, we look forward to the following year so that we can see one another again. Friendships continue to grow year after year. Therefore, for me, returning to the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving each year is not only returning to study and practice. It is also returning to a big family—a family in which our Teacher is like a father, and we are children coming home from many different places.
This sense of family is sometimes expressed through very small things: a bottle of medicinal balm, a pastry, a little gift, or simply a warm hug when we see each other again. These things may not have much material value, but they make me feel loved, remembered, and that I belong. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I look forward to returning every year after each retreat. I do not return with only a little more Dharma and a little more progress in my practice. I also return carrying a great deal of love.
Once, a woman I knew said to me: “Every time I see you, I notice that you always smile and say hello to me.” It was such a simple comment, but it made me think quite deeply. I suddenly realized that in life, there are many people who may need just a little attention, a greeting, or simply a smile. I am not particularly good with words. I do not know how to say beautiful or profound things to other people. But perhaps there is one thing I can do quite easily: smile and greet people. I also realized that many people appreciate this. Since then, I have developed the habit of smiling and saying hello to strangers whenever I ride the bus. To my surprise, many people look back at me, smile, and say hello in return.
Deep Gratitude
With all my heart, I bow respectfully in gratitude to Thầy. I thank the organizing team for their wholehearted dedication in creating such a peaceful, loving, and meaningful Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving program for us. I also thank all the Dharma Protectors who, without hesitation, wake up early, go to bed late, and quietly take care of countless large and small details so that we, the Altruistic Temporary Home Leaving participants, can practice with peace of mind. Looking back, I deeply feel that behind our ten days of practice and study are countless acts of sacrifice, service, and love from our Teacher, the organizing team, and all the Dharma Protectors. Once again, I sincerely offer my deepest gratitude to everyone.