Huy Xin Yee / Thân Khai Độ Minh (親開度明)
My name is Huy Xin Yee, Dharma name Thân Khai Độ Minh, and I currently live in Hualien, Taiwan. This year is my second time participating in the Altruistic Home-Leaving Program (Xuất Gia Vị Tha).
Last year, I joined out of curiosity. I had heard about the teachings of our Master, but only in a superficial way, so I wanted to experience the life of a monastic and have the opportunity to practice the Avataṃsaka Sutra Dharma more sincerely.
But this year, that curiosity has transformed into compassion, because my aspiration to join the program comes from a very deep and necessary reason: the passing of my beloved mother.
Last year, although I understood the spirit of altruistic ordination—practicing for the sake of others—I had not truly felt my heart open enough to generate the energy of practice and extend loving-kindness to others. The idea of ordaining for someone else is noble; giving time and resources to practice for others is a great act of sacrifice. I deeply respected that, and I joined the program hoping to contribute my practice to the community and to pray for peace in Taiwan.
But this year, the two words “altruism” have truly manifested in my thoughts and actions, because of the immense loss I experienced when my mother left this world just a few months ago.
Her passing struck deeply in my heart. I carried within me a great sorrow, a wound with no one to share it with, no one I could speak to about this pain. During those months, I felt as if I had fallen into a vast emptiness. Even though I had friends and colleagues around me, the grief of losing a mother was too private, too deep, too difficult to express. I carried that sadness every day, sometimes only able to remain silent and let it flow quietly inside.
It was during this time that participating in the Altruistic Home-Leaving Program truly transformed my life. The Avataṃsaka teachings are profound yet very practical. The compassionate guidance of our Master throughout the retreat touched me deeply, and I felt immense gratitude. During the retreat, I felt as if I had come back to life. My heart opened, my smile returned. I received genuine connection and care from the brothers and sisters in the Sangha. The Altruistic Home-Leaving Program helped me step out of the darkness of grief and loss, returning to peace and presence.
I remember clearly the moments practicing the Four Lotus Dharma. When visualizing the lotus flowers vividly, I felt healing taking place within my heart. Warm energy radiated from my chest, and I saw my mother’s loving face appear so close. My heart softened, lightened, and was healed. I realized that the Altruistic Home-Leaving Program and the Master’s teachings were the only path that could truly transform my pain—not by forgetting, but by turning sorrow into the energy of practice and into boundless compassion.
During my mother’s illness, I lived in depression, negativity, the pressure of responsibility, constant decisions, mental strain—and the helplessness of not knowing how to let go. Through the energy of practice and the collective strength of the Sangha, I learned to release, to cultivate compassion for myself and for others.
This year, as I enter the Altruistic Home-Leaving Program again, I am no longer someone seeking understanding or experience. I come with a heart in need of healing, with a vow of filial piety. During this year’s Mandala Ceremony, I will bring a small urn of my mother’s ashes. I entrust her to the energy of the Sangha’s practice, the blessings of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, and especially the Lotus Dharma that our Master is guiding us through. I place all my faith and hope in the sincerity of practice, in the vows of altruistic ordination, and in the compassion of our Master and Kuan Yin Bodhisattva—that they may ease the pain, transform karmic burdens, and open a new path for both my mother and me.
I offer these reflections as a message to anyone who is still hesitant about joining the Altruistic Home-Leaving Program: there is no better path for healing suffering. Life is full of challenges and loss. No matter how wealthy or high-ranking one may be, every person carries wounds within. And the Dharma is the path that helps us heal those wounds. I am a living witness to this healing. Now, I truly understand that the path of practice is not found outside. True healing lies within ourselves—when we return inward, close our eyes, visualize, recite mantras, and come home to the healing presence of stillness, peace, and the radiant purity of our innate seeds of wisdom.